DOMESTIC abuse can come in many shapes and forms. It can even be the total opposite of raised fists and voices.
This was what former Larut MP Zainuddin Omar discovered when reacting to news that celebrity couple – composer Sharon Paul, 48, and actor Rusdi Ramli, 54 – had split.
The term “cold violence” was used to describe the matrimonial circumstances leading to the divorce which was formalised in January last year (the couple was married in 2008 and have two sons Ayden Ridza and Ryan Ridza).
Posting on Facebook, the former Perak state assemblyman for Kubu Gajah confessed this was the first he had come across this concept to which he had to consult ChatGPT for a clearer picture.
The AI-powered application provided an in-depth description of “cold violence”, highlighting the passive-aggressive nature of such behaviour that was akin to a subtle form of torture for the spouse.
Aspects of “cold violence” was outlined as including the silent treatment where there is no communication whatsoever despite the couple still co-habiting.
The couple will also no longer have any social interaction, of which this includes not sharing a bed or even meals together, let alone having light-hearted communications.
This would then extend to subtle rejection of the spouse with actions such as avoiding eye contact and withholding of emotional support.
This would be followed by snide comments or looking down on a spouse. There would also be emotional and physical withdrawal without explanation.
The effects of such ‘cold violence’ included extreme emotional distress and low self-esteem. There would also be a breakdown in communication and trust within the household, ultimately leading to psychological trauma and deep depression.
The post had already generated 8.7K likes, 1.1K comments and a further 4.9kKshares at time of publication, highlighting that this issue of “cold violence” had touched a raw nerve.
Some commenters also highlighted such incidences of matrimonial breakdown, highlighting this is a common phenomenon.
The psychological and emotional impact on the children to witness their parents behaving like strangers was also highlighted.
Other factors that also contributed towards incidences of cold violence were outlined. The dominance of one spouse or his or her family having undue influence were mentioned. The lack of religious values was usually a contributing factor, observed one commenter.
The fear of inequity when dividing the assets was preventing some couples from going through with divorce proceedings.
How long could a couple continue co-existing in such an unhappy scenario, wondered another commenter, alluding to a friend who has been in such situation for the past three years.
However, some commenters were not convinced with this concept of “cold violence”, arguing that they were just fanciful words coined to blame the male spouse.
Such a viewpoint which tended to fault the wife instead was dismissed as unfair and reflective of the commenter’s state of mind.
Regardless of who is at fault or instigator of “cold violence”, the fact remains that this is a common occurrence in instances of marital breakdowns.
Easy to say that couples should seek to end the relationship amicably but everyone knows it is easier said than done. – July 15, 2025
Main image credit: Budiey Channel
